boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
