We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
