I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
