apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
