I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize