k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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