awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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