ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
