I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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