I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
