he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's just so happy...and so naked.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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