Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
