At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize