I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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