Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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