I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
