Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
