I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize