im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
