Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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