it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
