You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
