Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
