Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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