Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize