Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
