I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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