Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
