Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
