seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize