God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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