I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we made out on top of his cat.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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