ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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