he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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