so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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