There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
