Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize