As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize