yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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