dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
do herpes really smell.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize