CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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