he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
