Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it because I queefed?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
