i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hippo gnu deer
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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