and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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