Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
