Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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