I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
