I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
