My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
