I think my vagina is haunted
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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