I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
