All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
As shirtless as possible
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
