I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
