Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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