Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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