Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
