im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
is it fun? or sober?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
