Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
