but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
