So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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