the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think my fart just growled at me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
