Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
