She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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