pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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