were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
