So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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