Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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