He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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