The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
