So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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