Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
