the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
