i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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