Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
