he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
