I want to make a zoo with you.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
