Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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