I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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