Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
